I love sharing one of my favorite processes with couples. It is called “Let’s Make a Deal” and it is from Alison Armstrong’s book The Queen’s Code. You can order your own copy HERE︎. It really makes difference in how we share our heart’s desire and what we truly need. Especially when two people have conflicting needs or desires.
There is actually a lot of background that is helpful for this, that I cover in my videos, but here are the basics, directly from Alison’s book, along with my experience.
“People have become unaccustomed to speaking the truth about what they really need, and what makes them happy.”
So often, it seems easier to try to first figure out what the other person would say yes to or make hints. We might even say “Do you want to go out for Thai food tonight?" rather than say “I want to go out for Thai food tonight.” Or we underestimate our partners asking only what we think they are capable of providing, so as not to put pressure on them. So they never even get to hear what we really desire and give them the joy of providing that for us.
Also, this is a different process than negotiation or compromise.
“By being on the same team, you can put your heads together to accomplish the best for both of you. The solutions are often works of genius.”
If a person has something they need and are trying to get, but aren’t stating what they need openly, then they come up with strategies. How do I get what I need without saying it? Anytime you are strategizing you have made your partner the enemy.
And why is it important to have your needs met and bring your heart's desire to life? You can’t be your best for the world. Getting your needs met isn’t selfish! You can’t help others or be the light in the world that you are, if you aren’t getting the sleep or the transition time or the connection time you need. When this gets surpassed long enough, you explode, or leave, or become numb and lifeless.
This is a critical skill to learn! Here is a summary of the steps:
✨ The person with the most upset goes first and completes the sentence: “If I had it all my way ...” Giving details of what all their way would look like and what it would provide. The other person listens to learn.
✨ Then the other person completes the sentence: “If I had it all my way ..." again with details and what it provides while the partner listens.
✨ Next - brainstorm, sitting as a team, figuring out how to provide each what they need. Be creative, coming up with as many possibilities as you can think of.
✨ Then pick the solution that makes the team the happiest and write it down.
Try this out and if you have any questions, as always, feel free to write me at: email@example.com