I recently did an Instagram video from the quote, "Hurt people, hurt people." This is such a great way to stop taking hurtful things that people say or do personally. They are simply responding to something out of hurt, not love.
The quote I was sharing added "Healed people, heal people." This is a great reminder that our state of being can affect others so much.
And, I think there is another way to look at this: "Hurt people, hurt people who are ready to be hurt."
Let me explain. I've been interviewing dozens of people so far for my next book asking the question, "What does your partner do that lets you know they love you?"
One man told me that he knows his wife loves him because she helps him be a better version of himself. His example of this is that she hides his game controller so he can't play video games.
Not that I play video games, but as I was listening I realized that if Richard did something like that to me it would be a big "OUCH!" I would have had thoughts of, "doesn't he like me?" or "I don't want to be controlled" or "Can't he just say something to my face."
Can you see that there is something in me that would make me ready to be hurt if Richard did something like that - a meaning, an expectation, or a story? The man I interviewed received it as love. I would have receive it as the opposite.
What I have learned to do is to take alllll those times I get my feelings hurt, or feel disrespected, or annoyed and use that to look inward at what is going on inside ME to make ME respond with HURT rather than LOVE. In this way, I can be more aware and respond differently in the future.